first entry!! yippee

timedate? 1/8/24, 12:48pm
weather? sunny..... as always
how we feelin: headache aauugh
what we doin: waiting for class to start...
watching anything: nuuuuuuoooope
listening 2 anything: nnnneeeeeuuuoope

hullo !!!! my first evah blog entry.... so excited hehe. idk what 2 write though.,,,

umm for starters im thinking about making an archer and/or slipknot fansite. which is a bit silly considering i havent even started the shrines...... so i should probably do that first. blah blah blah ummm i dont think im doing anything this weekend aand my teacher just got here. soooo. bai :3

NEW PUPPY!!!!! SQUEEEE

timedate? 8/8/24, 9:28am
weather? was rainning but just cloudy now :(
how we feelin: numb but like not in a bad way more neutral. content?
what we doin: in history class
watching anything: noooooo :3
listening 2 anything: history teacher?

we got a puppy yesterday !!!!! :D her names pepper. shes about 8 weeks or so :3 her mum is my aunts dog so.... cool! :D heres a phototoe:

photos a bit old but shes so cute eeeeeeee.... anyways i FINALLY got some reading done yesterday, read up to chapter 3 on earthlings and a bit of goodnight punpun.... yayyyyy :3 this weekend im gonna go to southport n see ghost in the shell 2: innocence in theatres!! because dendys awesome..... and im gonna try play room no. 9 on friday or so bc ive been putting it off since last term LOL.... anyways idk what else 2 say bai :3

ahahahaha. ouch

timedate? 27/8/24
weather? cloudy
how we feelin: blech not great
what we doin: in science class
watching anything: nnoooppppe
listening 2 anything: neeewoooo

TRIGGER WARNING !!!! for self harm

ummm i should probably preface this by saying I Have A Self Harm Problem. started when i was ten going strong until last year (when i got clean). was clean for a year before june/july when i relapsed. and holy fucking shit...... i hit styro. it was disgusting. i dont know. i feel nauseous even thinking about it and i nearly puked last night. i couldnt take care of it probably last night (did put bandaid + antiseptic, couldnt clean it or anything) because honest to god i couldnt even look at it. i dont know. i feel weird. absolutely no way in hell am i EVER going that deep again jfc i cannot handle it

anyways... for good news its my dads birthday today! :D hes gonna come visit (sydney --> gold coast where i am) and im excited i think :3 and my cousin-ish visited on sunday so i did like a whole human-interactiong thing.... pretty cool hehe

gold coast show :D

timedate? 2/9/24, 10:38am
weather? sunny
how we feelin: shitty
what we doin: english soon
watching anything: nooope
listening 2 anything: nooopppee

went to the gold coast show on saturday! i got a miffy showbag, miku figure + one of those popmart figures, annd a comic of the crow :-) havent watched the movie just yet so i should probably get on that... i also got a fuckton of cotton candy which was cool. whole thing was very very overstimulating so i was a bit bitchy but i also went on ghost train ride. which was ok plastic curtains touching my hair was more spooky.

on a shittier note i have like.... ten million things due. math draft was due last wednesday english draft is due today science is due wednesday and i dont even KNOW or care about design tech atm. whats with setting ten million things due on the same day wtf. and im missing out on connect day next week cause my mums fucking off to austria next wk for work stuff..... aaghhhhh. i have pride club today which is.. ok. ive missed the last few meetings so i kinda have to go to this one which like meh. hopefully i dont fail allllll my classes

yyayeyayy

timedate? 14/9/24, 2:11pm
weather? sunny/cloudy
how we feelin: ok!
what we doin: typin this :s
watching anything: nope... probably the crow later
listening 2 anything: faul by stone titan

hi again :D i havent been doing much tbh...... i had the last week of school off cus my mums in austria.... and my dads visiting from sydney tmrw so thats pretty cool :3 idk what we're gonna do since itll just be me + dad + little sister (mums fucked off and nan's gonna hang out w/ family for a bit) so... idk. maybe ill see what dendys got on.....

anyways. for website plans i HAVE to actually get started on the archer shrine.... then i may start a webring...... then if i ever get started on that ill do the slipknot fansite i was thinking about (the shrine is NOT ENOUGH !!!!!!!) then i think when ive done shrine n webring i reapply to the autistic webring because (didnt have enough pages last time cause im a dickhead) so timeline is shrine -> webring -> autists online -> fansite.....

S/H TW KIND OF!!!!! just a small little update

cut (deep one) is healing well... i havent cut since because that was TERRIFYING and also i run out of proper bandages and theres no way in hell im using normal bandaids for ts noooooo thank u.... im gonna grab like the wrap ones next time i go down to the store.. i might go down today but idk

im. so. BORED

timedate? 14/10/24, 11:51am
weather? cloudy
how we feelin: BORED!!!! VERY ANXIOUS!!!!!
what we doin: literally nothing
watching anything: NO!!!!!!!
listening 2 anything: stupid english class SCOFFF

hello. im BORED!!!!!!!! site updates are halted mildly as i am bored. and at the moment this is about as far as my css skillz go so idk maybe ill have to learn. i should probably finish the archer shrine but its such a pain in the ass and a good chunk of the content is dependent on me figuring out how to draw so this will be...... a while. i might take a little library trip and hangout there while i figure out how to code. so expect a layout revamp like next year probably.

i am also thinking a lot about. climate change. and i am FREAKED. was not thinking about it much before but yeah now its the only thing on my mind rn. and not having many friends yaknow thats not helping either. like theres people my age drinking and maybe doing the unmentionables and im kicking my legs writing a fucking blog entry ..... like idk the blogs pretty cool but what if i wanna be fucked up in a different way. maybe god cursed me with no social skills becus id be doing drugs and things if i had them. but now i cant do stuff (now or in the future) because i freak out about eye contact and talking to people. whhhaat. what do i do. therapy. maybe. that seems to be the solution.

many things to talk about

timedate? 5/2/25
weather? cloudy.. will rain again hopefully
how we feelin: i dont even know.... tired mostly
what we doin: typin
watching anything: nnnooope
listening 2 anything: stupid assembly >:(

hellloooo ahahahahahah havent not updated in... a while. but in my defense i had no idea what else to add (still dont) and it was school holidays so i could not gaf.... website updating may take a backseat for a little while but ill still check neocities... i have soooooo many things to talk about first off its my BIRTHDAY tomorrow and ill offically kind of be in my mid teens (i think i already was but whatever new age is more in the middle) so that will be fun!! we're going to wahlburgers on the weekend and i will be complaining about mark wahlberg (my mortal enemy) the whoooooollle time. im also going to KNOTFEST WOOOOOOO im soooo excited to see slipknot + health + vended live and everyone else will be very cool too. theres other concert stuff im upset (missed the first mr bungle concert in QLD in 24 years... by a MONTH. and mike patton has a personal vendetta against QLD in general) but im veryvery excited i have to start working on my battle jacket!!!!!!!!! im also going out on my own more often and dressing how i wanna so thats fun. i always get really freaked by the end of it but its good for me anyways! and im hopefully going to get a job this year idk when exactly bcus my mum wants to go to tasmania this year but hopefully that gets sorted out soon. and i wanna learn guitar so um idk ill figure it out

and onto the other thing(s) i wanted to yap about. I Think I Might Be A Man....!!! ive had feelings like this for 3ish years now but ive only thought really hard and consistently about them recently? its kind of back and forth but idk. my current plan is i will go out as a man a few times and see how i feel but ummmm idk i will figure it out. i guess. and im relatively sure im into guys i think? i might even be into men only full stop but i will have to figure it out later i have more important things to think really hard about. all is chill

careers?!!?!??!?!? AAAARRAUOGH

timedate? 3/4/25, 8:37am
weather? cloudy! hopefully will rain soon
how we feelin: ok! bit sleepy little bit stressed
what we doin: math class.....
watching anything: math teacher doing math things
listening 2 anything: ^^^

i am so sleepy. soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sleepy. i have a haircut on friday and i think after that im kind of officially Boy. which is a bit scary. but you know whats even scarier. fucking career planning. i have NO idea what i wanna do like. mortician would be awesome but everything is gross and its much more conserative then other industries so tattoos + piercings are a no and i dont wanna be in a job where i cant express myself. and i really really wanna be a historian slash archivist or whatever and itd be so awesome and id love it but the job market is just so god fucking awful and idk how much id get paid. im kinda leaning towards radiology (oncology or pediatric to be specific) but i have to LOCK IN massively next year and take mathematical methods which like ?? what does that even mean and i need an atar of 99.90 and then like several years of med school. but id also get paid a shit ton and the job market is great so. i mean it doesnt sound so bad now that im writing it down but like i cant even pay attention to school now so. maybe ill talk to parents/therapist about that because its becoming like an Issue. so yeah. probably radiology

in site news i reworked the index page so thats neat! im proud of it its a bit plain but i like it :-) im working on a homepage revamp now i just have to figure out how like grids n stuff work. which will be difficult to figure out but i need to up my html/css skillz cause i can maybe put them on job applications. i dont know if itll like help but its neat at least. after i rework the homepage + about me i think ill start working on my other super duper secret site thats a SECRET!!!!!!!!!!! hopefully i will work on that during the school holidays which is very soon like a day or two. ive been kinda going off genshin a bit (before anyone judges i do not willingly interact with the fandom or spend money on it, im just here for capitano) but im still saving so. idk. ill code during the day and play game at night maybe.

clubs are starting again at school next term which will be neat!!!! im joining pride club again and i ended up joining the debate/politics club! which is a bit spooky because i dont wanna debate only politics but i will manage. and next year im gonna take an academic writing course thingy at a uni i like (and will hopefully be going to when im older) and i might do a health course if i manage that! i have to start working on my grades next term though cause i need like Bs and above and i usually get Bs and Cs so. and idk how long i need Bs so ill work on that next term i think. anyways i can't think of anything else i need to write sooooooo. bai

not feeling good

timedate? 8/4/25
weather? bit cloudy
how we feelin: nervous. i guess?
what we doin: looking at melonland forums
watching anything: nope. probably mad men later
listening 2 anything: i see your face - paradise lost

i am..... not feeling great. no sir. its school holidays now at least so i can not feel great while im not in school. so thats neat. i think the gender dysphoria(?) is hitting me hard. i dont wanna be trans and its making me feel gross in my body and blargh it sucks. w/ the current state of the world and even a mild chance of fucking trump lite getting in its really a god awful time to be trans and im just... not excited. and i don't know how accepting my families gonna be like. they wont hate me but im gonna get some shit from them and yeah. not feeling great about it. i cant really see myself growing up as a lady though so idk ill just have to learn how to accept it. im going out as a dude on thursday soooo.... maybe thatll help? and im kinda excited for all the gay dude things i can do when im over 18. so it wont be so bad i guess

i still feel good about the radiology thing though! i might go into queer health or something but right now im like 99% sure i wanna go into the health field. and other then today i dont think my mental health is TOO bad? like im relapsing more frequently but its not cause im upset so. i need to keep an eye out though cause my mentals usually get shitty around this time of year but hey im good now so lets just focus on now. yay

LOSING!!!!!! MY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

timedate? 12/4/25, 12:49pm
weather? sunnycloudy
how we feelin: NOT HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what we doin: being NOT HAPPY!!!!
watching anything: nope
listening 2 anything: not atm

transferred from my spacehey bulletins so i can rememeber it (emojis omitted)

bff left me on delivered for two days . which um ok not great out of character mostly so I text her heyyy are you good wtf and I get a " yesssss " .................................. and she responds to the vid I sent........ no explanation literally jack shit. and like this wouldn't be a problem if she didn't have a very big history of ignoring me for months at a time and then coming back for like a day and then leaving me on delivered AGAIN even though I literally fucking told her like twice that if she can't talk for a while then it'd be nice if I could get a warning ????? but ahahahahaha nooooooo shes just "sowwy I hope you don't mind" I DO MIND!!!!!!!! AND IF I HAD SPINE WEWPULDNOTBEFUCKING TALKING!!!!!!!!!!!!! and she keeps fucking doing this like right when my granddads die. like not on purpose but omg two in a row wtf kinda psychic shit is this bro

she didn't tell me about her new spotify account for a YEAR!!!!!!!!!! A WHOLE ASS FUCKING YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and she didn't tell me her tiktok wasn't working or whatever bullshit she's pulling out of her ass for like well over a year............ but noooooooo I can't even get upset with her cause then I feel like the asshole BUT I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE UPSET WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean obviously I need to communicate better too but christ it's a pain in the ass when she fucks off at any sign of conflict and then I have to apologise!!!!!!!!!! I didn't get a single genuine apology other than oopsies WHEN SHE IGNORED ME FOR 6+ MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!! and then told me some bullshit about school and then told me some other bullshit about tiktok not working!!!!!!!!! because she's allergic to communicating like holy fucking shit fine whatever it can be hard but only one half of us is trying her pal im gonna need you to put in a least a little smidgen of effort

she's a great top quality friend like a good 92% of the time and that's what makes it even worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't even get upset with her w/o feeling like an asshole (though tbf that's probably more of a me problem) and I'm not gonna end a 7ish year friendship over some deer in headlights shit but I genuinely cannot handle this anymore I feel like I can't talk to her about anything negative . and like okay definitely my fault partially but like when she needs to vent (not very often tbf) I like to think I handle it pretty well but like............ when im upset I get some absolutely half assed responses. like ok she's autistic too probably low empathy also but fml I don't talk about anything negative going on in my life ever so it'd be nice if I got a little more effort in jesus

anyways. I know I really really need to talk to her about this but I'm going to do it when im less irrationally angry but still a little pissy cause if I do it when im not upset because I magically turn into a doormat..... but I can't be too mad cause then the whole friendships going down the drain and I'd rather not. a very fine line

i want to be cool sigh

timedate? 14/4/25, 7:08pm
weather? raining?
how we feelin: :-(
what we doin: typing
watching anything: real estate tv?
listening 2 anything: neeeuuope

i want to be cool but i cant. i made a friend on thursday and he goes to shows and stuff and i am so jelly because i cant even. my mother would NOT let me and ugh yeah it sucks. but its ok but cause i can spend this year maximising my coolness and then next year i make friends and be cool and stuff so heres my plan: -get bunch of piercings -enlargen the band shirt collection -get more money -2026 -start testosterone -go to gym -go to shows and stuff somewhere along the way i learn hair tinsel

also stuff is ok with best friend she was busy with school and stuff we're ok now. yay :3

i dont know what to call this one

timedate? 14/5/25, 11:46am
weather? meh cloudy
how we feelin: irrationally angry
what we doin: stupid english class
watching anything: NO!!
listening 2 anything: ALSO NO!!

ok so um i updated the homepage AND the about me page. so im not going to update for a bit bcus looking at this stupid thing makes me irrationally angry i legit genuinely CANNOT HANDLE IT!!! i have the fix the lastfm widget AND the visited link and ugh i dont wanna at all this is so stupid and lame its stressing me out. so no real updates for a bit but maybe some new blog entries idontevenknow. i had other things to say but i forgot what it was.

i am preparing myself for another solo outside trip in the upcoming months but first before the outsiding i have to 1. work out more and 2. buy some stuff and idk several other things. and i have to wait for the boot straps i ordered to get here (the shipping was more than the fucking straps these things better last me a LIFETIME!!!!) and im gonna dye my hair teal/pink so yeah. maybe teal/purple. i dont know. dont even know.